Am I really who Facebook says I am?

Did you know that approximately 12.8 million Australians have a Facebook profile? That this is over half of our population of 23.13 million people?

But is the person behind the profile really the same as the one that you see on screen?

I am one of those 12.8 million people but I am not the person that you think I am.

Have you ever stopped to wonder what is going on behind the scenes in your ‘friends’ lives? Do they only show you what they want you to see? Do they only tell you what you would want to hear? Are they hiding anything that would make you be judgemental?

Facebook just allows you to portray the you that you want everyone to see. The one that you want people to like, the one that you want people to ‘comment’ on your posts or ‘like’ your pictures. Is there anyone out there that has a profile that is 100% true to themselves and what they are thinking and feeling in every day life? I don’t think there is. We are all too scared of being judged. Scared of losing ‘friends’. Scared of being labelled even if all we are doing is being true to ourselves.

I do not portray the real me. I wish I didn’t have to pretend to be someone I’m not, but when you know that posting something that’s not ‘happy’ is just seen to be attention seeking, what is the point? Its not attention seeking if you have something on your mind that you want to tell people who are meant to be your ‘friends’. I don’t say things that I really want to, for a fear of being judged. But what am I fearful for? If Facebook is full of my real friends and family then there should never be any judgement at all.

If I posted on Facebook that I’ve had depression and that I’ve been medicated for this in the past I’m sure that majority of people would have said ‘I never would have guessed’. It’s so easy to pretend to be ok. It’s so easy to smile for photos and pretend to be happy when you’ve been pretending for so long. But why do it? Mental Health is real and its a huge problem in this day and age. Why should I be scared about losing friends if I show them who I really am? Because if they choose not to accept me or if they choose to judge me, were they ever my real friends at all?

I have currently de-activated my Facebook account. I was sick of pretending that I was ok and pretending that the smile is real when on the inside I feel like I’m falling apart. Why should I have to de-activate my account so I don’t have to pretend any more? Why cant I just be myself? Why cant I just say what I’m really thinking? Why cant I post a quote or a picture that reflects me better than a fake smile at a party? Fear. Fear is why I say nothing. Fear stops me from opening up completely. How do you tell your best friends that you’ve lost your inner happiness? I don’t know why I’m so fearful of being judged. Other peoples opinions shouldn’t matter but for some reason you think they do. How do you move past that? How do you convince yourself that being yourself, truly being yourself is ok?